Get A Job

To fully understand the proper usage for the phrase "get a job", one must see it utilized in the myriad day-to-day situations to which it is suited. The phrase conveys derision, or at least disapproval in most situations, but in other forms can be used to express camaraderie and a team effort. "Get a job" is a useful and powerful phrase, and is almost impossible to overuse. To make sure that your usage of "get a job" is correct, please refer to the examples below, and practice with your friends.

Situations in which "get a job" is used to express derision or disdain:

You see a news report about the latest political scandal. You say: "That is ridiculous. Someone needs to tell that bitch to get a job."

Your friend shows up to meet you 30 minutes late. You say: "Dude, you need to get a job."

You lose fantastically at a video game. You say: "That was terrible. I need to get a job."

You are discussing the most recent boneheaded political maneuver that seems to nudge our entire society closer to the brink of utter catastrophe: You say: "Did you read in the paper what (politician's name) is doing? I mean, get a job. Seriously."

In self-defense, e.g. someone says: "Hey, WTF man? What were you thinking?", and you respond: "You know what? Get a job."

Situations in which "get a job" is used to convey camaraderie:

In greeting, e.g. via a text message that reads: "Oh, Steve is there? Tell him to get a job."

As a generally delivered non sequitur, e.g. you interrupt a conversation with: "Hey, Hey everyone! ...get a job."


With enough practice the use of "get a job" will become second nature, a sort of knee-jerk response of awesomeness. Create your own inventive ways to use this powerful, all-encompassing phrase!


Dave out. Get a job.

Woodward Cover Letter

This is the cover letter that we send out with the press kits. Is eye-catching, no?

______________________________________________________

Dear (Name),

Allow me, if I may, to introduce you to the remarkable phenomenon that is Woodward. I can, without a shadow of a doubt, tell you that if you stop any person on the street in Detroit and ask them if they know about Woodward, they will react as though you have asked them if they could count up to three. Quick side note, did you know you can use Woodward to water your lawn? That is, as long as you don’t mind mowing it ever hour, for the rest of your life. And now back to the point.

Woodward would be just fine rocking the bones of Detroit. However, the stars beckon, and the music cannot be contained. Also, to deny the world the chance to listen to Woodward would be travesty of the highest order. In order to reach every corner of this flat, flat Earth, we will need your help. We will need your guidance and experience to help us move to the next level, and coat the country with the music of Woodward.

So, please peruse the attached media kit. At your leisure. I invite you to discover the most original and enjoyable band to come out of Detroit in years. I invite you to discover why:

· We leave every show with a suitcase full of panties, and one jock strap (there’s always one).
· The band house stands on a single precipice of rock, surrounded by a crater.
· Other bands leave our shows faced with the question, “Do I go practice, or burn my instrument?”
· Venues prepare for our arrival by boarding windows and reinforcing any load-bearing supports.
· People, the world over, will find something in Woodward that is special, and they will want more.

We hope you feel the same way about the music that we do.

Cordially,


Woodward