In Which I Flagellate Myself for Procrastination

It has been an inexcusably long time since I have posted to this blog. However, I assure you that it is not for lack of things to say! Instead, my time has been spent continually rushing from place to place, from task to task, from irreplaceable chunk of a rapidly passing and finite lifetime to irreplaceable...well, I think you get the idea.

I think that I may be too nice for my own good. Allow me to give you an example: I am an outspoken and dedicated atheist. I describe myself as a scientific atheist, meaning that I value observation and empirical evidence over other arguments but I am open to new findings and discussions, but that is besides the point. The reason that I say that I am too nice for my own good is that when my friend Shannon told me that the drummer for her church band was moving away and asked me to fill in temporarily, I said, "Sure!" 

It seems that "temporarily" is a subjective term. It has been months since I took over the position of house drummer, and there is no clear end in sight. And although I have been offered time and time again the opportunity to back out with grace, I have so far declined to do so. The reason being I would feel guilty leaving them in the lurch. This congregation thrives on its music. This is a church that gets on its feet and sings, approaches the altar with humility and openly weeps during the more moving choruses. ("With drums?" I hear you ask. Yes. With drums.) Even though my personal beliefs are not hinged upon the success of this particular Sunday morning event, I would feel personally responsible if I left them disadvantaged. 

To add to the discomfort, the fact that I am an atheist seems to have gotten out through the grapevine, and recently I have had a few people come up to me after service and ask if they could pray over me to help me find Jesus. Now, I don't want to sit through this. It's uncomfortable and I find myself feeling embarrassed for the person doing the praying for the sheer absurdity of the concept that by laying a hand on my head and muttering some words I might have a sudden and overwhelming change of heart. However, I can't refuse! And the reason is, as mentioned before, I am too nice for my own good. These people aren't trying to make me uncomfortable or make me feel unwelcome or substandard - in fact, it is the exact opposite. These are good people, and they genuinely feel that what they are doing is going to help me. They like me and they want me to share in this passion of theirs that has brought them joy. I can't deny them the right to make a kind gesture to someone, that would be like reacting to a proffered hand by spitting in it. On the other hand, if I were to arrive at church one day with free copies of The God Delusion for everyone, they would all be offended because I would be "attacking their beliefs." It's an unfair double standard, but at the end of the day I'm too nice to do anything about it. 

I suppose that in the long run being the nice guy is the best policy. In the short run, however, it does feel like I have to bend over backwards a lot.